


Regret

by degreesofinsanity



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I listened to FMA Brotherhood songs while writing this, I made myself sad, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Premium Sadness, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 17:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7693438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/degreesofinsanity/pseuds/degreesofinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux regrets. There are no second chances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Pain. Hope it floats some boats.

Hux rarely felt regret.

Every choice he made was planned, his path to greatness was already set.

And then came Kylo Ren.

A Force using manchild but Hux couldn’t deny that he was a useful weapon to the First Order.

He was just another pawn, no, he was a knight for Hux to move around the board.

Someone to _fuck_.

Someone to _hate_.

Every choice, calculated.

But then he fell.

Arguments turned to playful bickering, hateful glares turned to soft gazes of fondness, in the privacy of Hux’s quarters, the touches they shared were loving.

Hux had caught Kylo staring at him as if he held all the stars in his hands, soulful brown eyes expressive.

This was not part of the plan.

Kylo Ren was a distraction. Kylo Ren was nothing more than a tool.

Hux tried so hard to keep that in mind when they brought the body in.

They were too late, the doctors had told him, he had bled out far too much for them to save him.

 **Lies**.

“You must be joking, he’s not dead, just sleeping.” Hux ignored the way his voice shook, “Kylo, wake up, the Supreme Leader will not be pleased if we’re late.”

“Sir...he’s already...”

He rounded on the medics and scowled, “Get out. He is _not_ dead.”

“Sir, please, you must unders-”

“ **GET. OUT.** ” Hux roared, slamming his fist down onto the table, ignoring the pain in his hand.

They left quickly, not wanting to be at the receiving end of his anger.

Shaky hands cupped Kylo’s face, his skin was so, so _cold_. Nothing like the passionate warmth that he used to exude.

Hair, still as lovely as it used to be, covered in melting flakes of snow.

Hux had teased him about that hair, had braided and combed that hair.

Kylo’s eyes, his eyes a beautiful brown, now dull and lifeless.

 **Disbelief**.

“How dare you do this to me, Kylo, you kriffing idiot!” Hux hissed, eyes squeezed shut, he felt tears gather in the corners of his eyes, “Use your stupid Force powers to come back! This is an order!”

Silence.

“We were supposed to rule together, to grow old together, to _die together_ …I didn’t even get the chance to tell you how much I...”

 _Loved you_.

Hux swallowed, “And you just...left me.” He held Kylo’s cold hand, lifting it up to press it against his cheek, remembering the last time he'd patched up Kylo's injuries.

 

_“Are you getting all sentimental, Hux? Seems very unlike you.” Kylo said with a grin, letting Hux bandage his wounds._

_Hux huffed, “I’m just worried, an injured weapon is useless to me.” He replied, stitching up the wound._

_“If you say so, Hux.” Kylo sounded smug. Hux wanted to kiss that grin off of his face._

 

**Rage.**

No. He shouldn’t be blaming his knight for this. The fault was in the hands of those Resistance scum. _They_ took Kylo away from him.

“Don’t worry, Kylo,” Hux whispered as he pressed their foreheads together, tears dripping onto Kylo’s face as if he were crying too, “I’ll find them, I won’t stop until they’re all _dead_. Until they’ve all _paid for what they did_.”

 

_“Hux, I have a question.”  
_

_Hux sighed, “What is it?” He looked down at his lap where Kylo had been sleeping, the other looking up at him drowsily but with something like sadness in his eyes._

_“Would you care if I was killed?”_

_The question made him freeze, the hand he had in the Force user’s hair stilled, “Why are you even asking? You won’t be killed anytime soon, so go back to sleep.”_

_Kylo sighed and went back to sleep, frowning._

 

Chess pieces didn’t matter. They were disposable. He couldn’t let Kylo know that if he was killed...

Hux would burn galaxies, take over planets, leave no stone unturned, just to find whoever would dare to take his knight away.

With newfound determination, Hux pulled away from Kylo’s body, drying his tears, resting one hand on the other’s shoulder, “Wait for me, Kylo.”

 

“I’ll finish what you started.”

* * *

 

Hux rarely felt regret.

Every choice he made was planned, his path to greatness was already set.

But…

On days when his knees ached, a cane in one hand to keep him standing.

When he looked to the side of his throne and saw no one standing there.

When the burden of a crown became too heavy to bear, and there was no one he could lean on.

When he looked into a mirror and just saw a lonely old man with graying hair.

He wished that he had been brave enough. Had been strong enough.

But he hadn’t. Had been too weak to say…

 

_I love you._

Kylo, I love you so, so much.

 

 

  
You don’t have to wait anymore.


End file.
